The workplace is a jungle. Full of various “species”, each with their own survival tactics and place in the food chain. I mean, for real: “office politics” is just a polite way of describing the ongoing fight for territory, resources and survival that happens at the workplace.
Knowing this well, why have I been surprised to hear someone in a leading position shout “It’s a fight, you’re here because we want to fight with you” at me during a meeting recently? To be fair, this person added “…to fight the good fight” at the end, but I was so taken aback it left me speechless.
If you wonder “How did it get to that point?”, the topic of the conversation is not as relevant as the fact that it was the answer to me saying “I sometimes don’t like the way we talk to each other”. A very measured, diplomatic, message met by a slam on the table and these words “we want to fight”. It took me a bit of time to process but here is what I learned:
- I’m a debater (my personality type according to the 16personalities framework): a man of consensus who believes in dialogue and loves it. I believe in talking things through; clarifying, defining perimeters, scopes, roles and responsibilities. I “agree to disagree” with clear guiding principles and values: decency, respect, politeness. If I cross the line, I apologise, and if someone’s crosses the line with me and apologise, I’m happy to move on. I value the conversation as much as the conclusion, if not more.
- Most probably, the “we want to fight” person has a different personality. The invocation of a “fight” was probably supposed to be some sort of motivational speech that in her own standards would make me willing to go higher. It’s someone’s that believes in self-control, saying things like “if something goes wrong, you can only blame yourself”. She values the results over the means.
Unfortunately, even though I understand the psychological mechanisms behind the scene. The conclusion is still that it’s poor leadership. Leaders should not project their personalities on others, on the contrary it’s their duty to understand who’s in front of them and adjust. But it pushed me to question my own leadership-style and define what kind of manager I want to be. After a few iterations, I realised it can be summed up in 1 word: INSPIRE.
- I want to inspire, and not micro-manage, because…
- when you inspire, people respect you…
- …and the team over-achieves.
- People experience joy, creativity and energy at work when you give them time to find inspiration…
- and it makes you a better person because to inspire, you have to be a role-model.
For sure, I’m not there yet but knowing the destination is a good starting point and as Mark Manson (Author of The Subtle Art of not giving a F*ck and Everything is F*cked) stated it in a brilliant tweet: don’t aim at perfection, aim at progress.
